Human interest profile
FANTASIA'S JOURNEY; CARING ADULTS TEAM UP WITH THE GAME OF BASKETBALL TO HELP PUT A ROUGH LIFE ON COURSE
BYLINE: By Donna Ditota Staff writer
SECTION: NEWS; Pg. A1LENGTH: 2849 words
She can finally talk about it without crying.
The times when her mother tried to conceal her crack habit. The times when she hid her toddler sisters at school to protect them from the parade of drugs and strange men in their house. The times she escaped a strict foster parent to visit her mother's hospital bed, so she could touch her and talk to her and maybe cry without anybody watching.
Fantasia Goodwin wishes some invisible hand had written it down so she could remember more clearly, more vividly. There are times in her life, the years between her 10th and 13th birthdays, when so much transpired that she struggles to recall exact dates and exact sequences. Her foster parents. Her mother's death. Her grandmother. Her father. Her repeated attempts to run away.
All represent pieces of a fractured, fuzzy puzzle.
"My life," she said, "was just chaos."
Goodwin remembers one moment, though, with perfect clarity: Sept. 6, 1998. The date she arrived at Graham Windham, a group home in Hastings-on-Hudson, where she would spend the next eight years.
At Graham, 12-year-old Fantasia Goodwin found a community of people who cared. At Graham, she purged part of her past and absolved some of the people who abused or neglected her. And at Graham, she discovered basketball, which has delivered her to Syracuse University and a starting spot on the women's basketball team.
"I always say she has a guardian angel," said Debbie Waters, the woman who with her partner, Charles Mathis, has essentially adopted Goodwin. "Because how she's gotten this far is a miracle."
Bad habits and strange men
Goodwin was born on Nov. 10, 1985. Because of her mother's drug habit, records show, she lived with foster parents until she was 7. By then, her mother, Alice Thorpe, convinced authorities she could care for her children and gained custody of Fantasia and her two younger sisters, Essence and Natasha.
At first, Goodwin said, her mom made a happy home in their Brooklyn apartment. Then she met a man, Goodwin said, "who got her back into that stuff." Strange men started showing up. They cooked drugs in the apartment, and a distinct, disturbing smell permeated the place.
One of the men who regularly visited, a man named Kirk, sexually abused her, Goodwin said. She resisted telling anyone for a long time because Kirk provided the family with food and bought them a television. She worried, she said, that by telling someone Kirk was touching her inappropriately, he would be sent away and she would be blamed for shutting off the family's lifeline.
"I had to take care of my sisters, because my mom was not stable," Goodwin said. "I had to bring them food from school lunch and stuff like that. My mom wouldn't be there and there'd be guys in the house. Sometimes, I'd bring (my sisters) to school with me. I'd hide them or they'd just stay outside all day."
Authorities intervened when Goodwin was 9. Goodwin thinks a neighbor tipped them off. Her sisters went to live with an aunt, and Goodwin, who had a different father than her sisters, was assigned another foster mother. When she was 11, she learned that her mother had lapsed into a drug-related coma.
There were scheduled hospital visits with the foster mother, her son and a social worker. But Goodwin resented their presence. The visits seemed sterile and forced. She longed to talk to her mother, to hold her hand, to be alone with her.
So she'd sneak out of the house and navigate the trains and buses to the hospital. The nurses, she said, treated her kindly and allowed her to visit whenever she wanted.
"I used to go to the hospital to watch her," Goodwin said. "Just watching her there. Hoping she'd wake up. Sometimes she'd breathe real heavy. It was a big thing, just going over there."
' look just like my father'
While her mother languished in a Brooklyn hospital, Goodwin's paternal grandmother gained custody of her. Goodwin had never met her father and was curious about him, she said, so she prodded her grandmother to make introductions. That summer, her grandmother drove her to South Carolina for a family reunion.
"And that's when I first met him," Goodwin said. "He just got out of jail for doing a bid (serving time). I noticed him before I was even introduced to him. I look just like my father. And he was just crying."
Barry Goodwin served two state prison terms for drug offenses, the second for possession of crack cocaine, according to records provided by the state Department of Correctional Services.
On a subsequent trip south later that summer, Fantasia fled from her grandmother as the two were heading back to New York. When her grandmother stopped for gas, Goodwin said, she bolted from the car and knocked on the door of a stranger's home to plead for help. Living with her grandmother, she said, had grown increasingly difficult. Police officers arrived and she was driven to the Gaffney, S.C., home of her aunt, Cassandra Goodwin.
"(The police) came with my mom," Cassandra Goodwin said. "(Fantasia) didn't want to go back. So she came to stay with me. I had kids her age."
She stayed with Aunt Cassandra and her three children, slept in a bed with a cousin and attended school for a few months. Sometime during her stay, she said, her grandmother called to relay news of her mother's passing. Born on March 28, 1966, Alice Thorpe died 10 days before her 31st birthday.
Meanwhile, money grew tight at Aunt Cassandra's, and Goodwin - in need of knee surgery after a car accident - wound up back in Brooklyn, where she stayed with her grandmother and had the surgery. But child care authorities again intervened. Her grandmother lost custody and Goodwin re-entered the child care system. She spent time in Geller House, a facility on Staten Island where children are held until the court system determines their fate. And then she was assigned to Graham.
Hard transition to group care
Graham Windham, the nation's oldest nonsectarian child care agency, sits hard by the Hudson River. Today, 165 children live in 12 campus cottages and attend school on the premises. Gerry Leventhal, director of the residential program at Graham, said residents are referred to the agency by family court.
"All of them have been victims somewhere along the line," Leventhal said. "They haven't had the family support or community support, or the schools haven't been a positive experience for them. They've had to not make it at other places. Other failures justify them to be here.
"They've been abused or neglected. The kids have not had those foundations that you'd want every kid to have: unconditional caring. Enough love to let them know they're of value. And they've been transient."
Leventhal described Goodwin's experiences as "more extreme" than most kids assigned to Graham. He consulted documents in her file, which he estimated to be thicker than 150 pages, to confirm her tumultuous childhood. Graham records are private, but because Goodwin was relying on 10-year-old memories to recount her past, Leventhal agreed to check those records to substantiate the events that Goodwin willingly divulged.
"Fantasia," he said, "is a credible reporter of her circumstances."
Her transition into the structured group setting was marked by resentment and rebellion. At the start, Goodwin made it clear that she didn't need what Graham was offering.
She refused to participate in group meetings, where girls cried openly as they revealed secrets of their past. When those same girls became the subjects of campus gossip and teasing, Goodwin resisted further. She cursed and talked back. She got into fights. She was, as Graham mentor Lisa Linnen put it, "quite difficult."
"Nothing was working for me. I was just so mad all the time," Goodwin said. "I felt like no one cared. They said they cared, but I didn't trust nobody."
Enter basketball
Goodwin soon found something to care about. Leventhal started a girls basketball team the same year Goodwin entered Graham. She signed up without knowing much about it. She remembers her first few efforts as comically futile. Balls bounced off her knee. She tossed up air balls.
But she kept coming back. She liked the game's physicality, the way it rewarded her aggression. She felt good when she scored points and her team won games.
The school, said Leventhal, spared no expense with uniforms to instill a sense of pride in its players. And Goodwin proved to be a natural athlete and a fast learner.
That first season, Graham competed in an informal league against other group homes. During the semifinals of the year-end tournament, Goodwin sank a shot from about 15 feet that won the game.
The gym erupted with excitement.
Leventhal said he jumped up and down with everybody else.
"That felt so good," Goodwin said. "The crowd was into it. Everything was like in slow motion. It was like "yeeeaaahhhh!' Everybody ran on the court. They held me up like I just won a boxing match or something. I was happy. Oh my God, I was so happy. I said, "I like this. I want people to cheer for me and carry me around the gym when I make a winning shot.'
"That's the only time I felt happy. My self-esteem was so high. And I knew after that everything would be all right. There was more to life than just fighting and running away and running away from my problems. So basketball was pretty much my cure. It healed a lot of pain."
So did Linnen.
She lets down her guard
Linnen works as a liaison between Graham's residential facility and its schools. She described Goodwin's early days at Graham - her tantrums and subsequent silences - as "testing the waters." She was not unlike other children who came to the facility full of mistrust for adults who had failed them.
But Linnen saw something in Goodwin. She coached a youth basketball team and got permission to take Goodwin off campus to compete in a Saturday league. She invited Goodwin home for picnics and holidays and introduced her to family members.
"When she was acting out and rebelling, I didn't take it personal," Linnen said. "I told her, "I'm not going to hurt you. Give me an opportunity to show you that.' I felt I had the opportunity to give her something she was lacking, to build her up and let her know that there are some good people out there."
"She took time to speak to me," Goodwin acknowledged. "She was just real open with me. I never had anyone who talked to me like she did. She always wanted to know how I was doing. She checked up on me, made sure my work was done, made sure I had what I needed."
After awhile, Goodwin let down her guard. She confided in Linnen and felt confident enough to share her story in group meetings.
She was also excelling on the basketball court.
She averaged 33 points per game during her career at Graham's Martin Luther King High School. Leventhal said she shot about 50 percent from 3-point range her senior year.
Her athletic ability and her leadership qualities earned her a measure of respect at Graham. She was selected to speak at her high school commencement. Her poignant tribute to her mother, combined with her hopeful future of college, moved everyone to tears, Leventhal said.
Goodwin paused to collect herself when she mentioned her mother. Goodwin got her first tattoo when she was 17. Alice Thorpe's name rests inside a heart, flanked by the dates of her birth and death.
"It was difficult to forgive her, because when I needed her, she wasn't there for me," Goodwin said. "But you still always love your mom, no matter what. I knew it was tough for her. Drugs are a pretty strong addiction. And she picked drugs over us. And there were times when I had to be strong for her - like I was the mother and she was the child. But I don't hold no grudges against her."
Enter new parents
By commencement, Goodwin had met the two people she now refers to as her mother and father. In the summer of 2003, Debbie Waters and her partner, Charles Mathis, were organizing a Salvation Army youth basketball team in Yonkers, a few blocks from Graham. Waters and Mathis recruited Goodwin and a high school teammate to play on their team. Waters has no biological children, she said, and grew fond of Goodwin.
She and Mathis took Goodwin on shopping excursions. Goodwin's previous shopping experience consisted of picking out clothes from the Graham gymnasium. The couple treated her to nice restaurants, where she learned to order from the menu. They sent her greeting cards for no apparent reason. And they exposed her to the supermarket, where they bought food and planned meals.
"Fantasia didn't have all the tools," said Mathis, "but she had the intellect. We saw her drive and her determination to succeed, not only on the basketball court."
Mathis and Waters attended Goodwin's final season of high school games and helped with college preparation. By then, Goodwin displayed Division I athletic talent, but her inattention to schoolwork in her first two years of high school, combined with a lack of groundwork for the SAT, meant that she was destined for junior college.
Mathis and Waters helped her enroll at Monroe College, which has campuses in New Rochelle and the Bronx. In 2005-06, Goodwin set the NJCAA Division III season record for points (867) and scoring average (27.1). That season, the Mustangs went undefeated and won the NJCAA Division III championship.
Division I coaches showed interest, Waters said, but were reluctant "to take a chance on a group-home child." When Syracuse coach Quentin Hillsman called during Goodwin's final season at Monroe, he found a receptive audience.
But Hillsman, too, was leery of Goodwin's background, of her ability to assimilate into a college culture that demanded self-imposed structure. He made a deal with Goodwin: Call me after every game and update me with your progress.
Hillsman said Goodwin kept her part of the bargain. He offered a scholarship, she accepted, and last May she enrolled at SU for summer school.
For the first time in eight years, Goodwin lived free from institutional guidance. Hillsman said she initially struggled with the responsibilities of being a student-athlete. She arrived late to basketball meetings, missed study hall and left classes before they finished.
Hillsman knew all about her past. And when Goodwin neglected to follow rules, the first-year head coach battled with his need to exert proper punishment and his desire to show he understood and cared.
"The first month she was here, we butted heads a lot," he said. "The structure was the hardest thing for her. But you want to discipline her, because you want her to make it. You want her to do the right thing."
Goodwin starts at forward for SU and averages 12.8 points and 7.1 rebounds per game. She's shooting 42 percent from 3-point range and 44 percent from the floor. Against Pittsburgh on Jan. 16, she led the Orange with a career-high 22 points and nine rebounds.
At 5-foot-11, she is often dwarfed at the forward spot by taller opponents, but Hillsman said her tenacity allows her to compensate. If the coach has any criticism of Goodwin, it's that she sometimes plays too unselfishly.
The meaning of happiness
Her surrogate parents, Debbie Waters and Charles Mathis, have moved to Shillington, Pa., where Goodwin has her own room. The couple monitors her games on the Internet and keeps careful track of her schoolwork. Debbie Waters, whom Goodwin refers to as "Miss Debbie," said she communicates with Goodwin daily.
Lisa Linnen brought about 50 Graham students to SU's game at St. John's last month, and friends from Monroe College showed up, too. A large Goodwin contingent watched the Orange in Connecticut earlier this month. Goodwin, said Leventhal, has become Graham's poster child for success.
"I don't like dwelling on the past too much, but sometimes I do think, "Damn, how did I do it? How did I manage to do it?"' Goodwin said. "It's just my stubbornness, my pride. I had to make it. I didn't want to make any excuses, like I had a tough childhood. That's not an excuse. That should make you want to do better."
She was fueled, too, by everybody who doubted that the daughter of a crack addict could make something of herself. She remembers elementary school guidance counselors telling her to be content with staying out of trouble, that kids like her don't achieve.
But Goodwin wanted more for herself.
These days, she flies on chartered planes to places she's never seen. She attends college classes and thinks about playing basketball overseas and then coming home to start a foundation for troubled kids. She describes herself as "jolly," and people who know her say the description fits.
On a recent weekday afternoon, Hillsman gazed at a poster-sized photograph of Goodwin and teammate Keri Laimbeer that rests against a wall in his office. The two are leaping on the SU sideline while the game unfolds in front of them. Goodwin's smiling face registers unbridled joy.
"I look at that picture and I think, "How can that girl be so happy?"' Hillsman said. "Because she had every reason to be bitter. When you look at what she's been through, this kid had every reason to be just another kid that didn't make it. She had every reason to give up and she never did."